rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
