Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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