No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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