im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
