Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
