So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Randomize
