I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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