R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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