Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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