at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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