life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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