is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the day after is always just damage control
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
