so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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