I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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