i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your cock deserves a montage
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
