how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
