I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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