This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
