Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
