i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
