I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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