woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
