I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
