That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
