the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
