Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
