Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
