Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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