I swear she didn't look like that last week.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
