I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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