Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
