Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
