Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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