Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
