I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my poor anus
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i think i just lost a toe
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
