You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
