She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
