You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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