If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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