I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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