So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
