I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
