i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize