dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
