i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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