can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
