I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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