do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
