Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
