I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
