She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
