Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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