I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
