I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
