I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
