Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
