I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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