The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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