I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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