respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
