is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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