i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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